tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-74984786596279620892024-03-06T10:54:06.525+08:00Bax vs the Worldbaxulahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14280205583489141927noreply@blogger.comBlogger6125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7498478659627962089.post-55696702277090752322016-12-07T12:47:00.000+08:002019-03-03T20:46:31.464+08:00what to expect when not expecting<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
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everything seems to be closing in on me<br />
everything seems a little bit too much<br />
everything seems too big<br />
everything seems unfamiliar<br />
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and it all makes me really anxious<br />
really anxious<br />
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running scared<br />
tired and<br />
stressed out<br />
my head hurts<br />
my heart is beating too loud<br />
too fast<br />
too<br />
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it's a scary worldbaxulahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14280205583489141927noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7498478659627962089.post-42555732648121085022015-10-17T16:31:00.001+08:002015-10-17T16:31:24.171+08:00<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
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<img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhQfhiJ0L4tDLqZvLGqeLGJBimauQqmLpYKIcDWrs57Wj-ficFUbATMfpFLYho5NlCYKiv52vPl_ijOW8WS1R29oTnWYriEGp6IuEqzWB4ZPItfIyz0ir-eyIEXy33CONKXE3isbHXgis8S/s320/tumblr_nvevmgJNG21unxxp5o1_400.png" width="276" />
<img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEglok9s-WUPo7NLeOEVtfGC9fdoMc3GALd3ZkbJtS9lwGPY_Y59WuqKVbEpysFrtt-j1REFSfPkljnMsQK11vyA8ZPR1IWWYwCdgTrYxXuFOOqv879UHhrAzFudfunRCNmYcaz79sqADutL/s320/tumblr_nvevmgJNG21unxxp5o2_400.png" width="276" />
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Words have always been one of the ways for me to keep me sane, to keep me at peace, but I have learned it the hard way that words could crush me to dust.</div>
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Words.</div>
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wordwordwordwordword</div>
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i have no source of sanity anymore</div>
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words have done me no justice</div>
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baxulahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14280205583489141927noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7498478659627962089.post-55192502376955297132014-03-09T16:06:00.000+08:002014-03-09T16:08:04.960+08:00I run empty.<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiubNo7Y9BIncSPQueCOH5FcqUA0SyMgrWFE82Bf2dGsLbifo4Bv026rhrp4dJ4L3PtjpOn7hVAdd_bKVa9ZbXbY52LCdRG17TPN8jPmSv1FHsvs3hknA7JPfe4FIqpIzoTJFO2G6zD1bA3/s1600/tumblr_n0ovjd2hHn1r70xwto1_500.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiubNo7Y9BIncSPQueCOH5FcqUA0SyMgrWFE82Bf2dGsLbifo4Bv026rhrp4dJ4L3PtjpOn7hVAdd_bKVa9ZbXbY52LCdRG17TPN8jPmSv1FHsvs3hknA7JPfe4FIqpIzoTJFO2G6zD1bA3/s1600/tumblr_n0ovjd2hHn1r70xwto1_500.jpg" /></a></div>
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<blockquote class="tr_bq" style="text-align: justify;">
<span style="color: #cc0000; font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><i>“It’s so difficult to describe depression to someone who’s never been there, because it’s not sadness. I know sadness. Sadness is to cry and to feel. But it’s that cold absence of feeling — that really hollowed-out feeling.”</i></span></blockquote>
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Broken — even after all this time, I'm still the same old Basyirah.baxulahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14280205583489141927noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7498478659627962089.post-17091663021276686642013-03-19T17:46:00.001+08:002013-03-19T19:39:39.946+08:00This one is for you.<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiAcm81qklrQ0rYqvY5rOl48kNc6MtFccIkSvauo3-5BJbNyaPCNsjzs9Og7G3HO7Y5cg7xrf-6sGA518daa2GhgaEKC6GkciRvHx8hCfDgO2uEdTBoSxHgWXQJTCThxXqFZCH9v8ZaNnsX/s1600/tumblr_mfkmanU2nk1qc9ey0o1_500.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiAcm81qklrQ0rYqvY5rOl48kNc6MtFccIkSvauo3-5BJbNyaPCNsjzs9Og7G3HO7Y5cg7xrf-6sGA518daa2GhgaEKC6GkciRvHx8hCfDgO2uEdTBoSxHgWXQJTCThxXqFZCH9v8ZaNnsX/s1600/tumblr_mfkmanU2nk1qc9ey0o1_500.jpg" /></a></div>
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<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><i>When you look at me,</i></span></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><i>dear, what do you see?</i></span></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><i>Do you see the sadness I hide,</i></span></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><i>or the tears I cried?</i></span></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><i>Do you think I am weird,</i></span></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><i>or do you wonder why I smirk?</i></span></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><i><br /></i></span></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><i>When you look at me, </i></span></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><i>dear, what do you see?</i></span></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><i>Do you come close so you can understand,</i></span></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><i>or do you stay away from where I stand?</i></span></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><i>Do you pretend to listen when I talk,</i></span></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><i>or do you really care to where I walk?</i></span></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><i><br /></i></span></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><i>When you look at me,</i></span></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><i>dear, what do you see?</i></span></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><i>Do you realise the smile on my face,</i></span></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><i>or do you think I look out of place?</i></span></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><i>Do you know why I choose to be sad,</i></span></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><i>or do you think it is just some issue that I had?</i></span></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><i><br /></i></span></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><i>When you look at me,</i></span></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><i>dear, what do you see?</i></span></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><i>Do you know that I love the sky,</i></span></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><i>that I always look up and wonder why?</i></span></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><i>Do you know that the moon is beautiful,</i></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><i>that it always make me smile like a fool?</i></span></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><i><br /></i></span></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><i>When you look at me,</i></span></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><i>dear, what do you see?</i></span></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><i>Do you want to look me in the eyes,</i></span></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><i>and tell me there will be no more lies?</i></span></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><i>Do you want to keep me close,</i></span></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><i>or do you want me to disappear like a ghost?</i></span></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><i><br /></i></span></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><i>When you look at me,</i></span></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><i>dear, what do you see?</i></span></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><i>Do you realise that my eyes are swollen,</i></span></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><i>or will you tell me that the promises will not be broken?</i></span></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><i>Do you take me seriously,</i></span></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><i>or am I just a joke and acting silly?</i></span></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><i><br /></i></span></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><i>When you look at me,</i></span></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><i>dear, what do you see?</i></span></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><i>Do you think I am pretty,</i></span></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><i>or do I need to feel ugly?</i></span></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><i>Do you think I can be positive,</i></span></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><i>after years of being negative?</i></span></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><i><br /></i></span></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><i>When you look at me,</i></span></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><i>dear, what do you see?</i></span></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><i>Do you know that I am curious,</i></span></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><i>and sometimes it makes me furious?</i></span></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><i>Do you know I fight off jealousy,</i></span></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><i>because I am scared of losing?</i></span></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><i><br /></i></span></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><i>When you look at me,</i></span></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><i>dear, I hope you see me.</i></span></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><i>Look closely and see the girl I used to be,</i></span></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><i>filled up with joy and a smile so lovely.</i></span></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><i>The girl with hopes and dreams and humble,</i></span></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><i>that she crushed so hard when she stumbled.</i></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><i><br /></i></span></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><i>So tell me now, darling,</i></span></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><i>am I making myself clear or more confusing?</i></span></div>
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<blockquote class="tr_bq" style="text-align: right;">
- B.</blockquote>
baxulahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14280205583489141927noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7498478659627962089.post-58379970094080425832012-08-06T17:36:00.001+08:002012-08-06T17:37:35.235+08:00Paradigm.<div style="text-align: center;">
I am trying to be more vibrant and content with my life. </div>
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While waiting for me to creep out of my shell and see the outside world</div>
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjirC3nTYgQ0Um5oooI2IcihdajGUTByD3ka3hhmSa5ojcYXKY1BJEq5UdFHIRStZq34TgAp8uHoM3zOWwb2GZcfgePAcU-CjtyPhFk8CJLVwZnPjGGr_IbJ3WdgaJdWcbCbyFrmu3WBFdd/s1600/tumblr_lrxslomQEQ1qdey5co1_500.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjirC3nTYgQ0Um5oooI2IcihdajGUTByD3ka3hhmSa5ojcYXKY1BJEq5UdFHIRStZq34TgAp8uHoM3zOWwb2GZcfgePAcU-CjtyPhFk8CJLVwZnPjGGr_IbJ3WdgaJdWcbCbyFrmu3WBFdd/s1600/tumblr_lrxslomQEQ1qdey5co1_500.jpg" /></a></div>
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<i><span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><span style="color: #e06666; font-size: x-large;">Hello.</span><span style="color: #351c75;"> </span></span></i></div>
</div>baxulahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14280205583489141927noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7498478659627962089.post-63631409041177338822012-08-04T23:37:00.000+08:002012-09-14T11:05:12.948+08:00"I'm all messed up & I don't wanna hurt you."<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhYSQnkGt9Fp1lJGlFV_QspYeN0d9iVihuh96FnKJWfps2aSsl4MiNuC6Y_C4qcxjMz0XAvWkJEnamLcCgtIYpgm41VDEefzlFE0Di-oV3Le23g-KBmo-FkbMyrh2kVc9Dw97kolw-TBJVf/s1600/tumblr_m86i3uiEFX1qzu1fjo1_500.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhYSQnkGt9Fp1lJGlFV_QspYeN0d9iVihuh96FnKJWfps2aSsl4MiNuC6Y_C4qcxjMz0XAvWkJEnamLcCgtIYpgm41VDEefzlFE0Di-oV3Le23g-KBmo-FkbMyrh2kVc9Dw97kolw-TBJVf/s1600/tumblr_m86i3uiEFX1qzu1fjo1_500.jpg" /></a></div>
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<div style="text-align: center;">
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><i>Did you see the sky today?</i></span></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><i>Did you notice that it was dark and gloomy?</i></span></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><i>A perfect mirror to my sorrow heart.</i></span></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><i>A feeling that I have been trying to hide.</i></span></div>
<br />
<div style="text-align: center;">
<span style="font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif; font-style: italic;"><br /></span></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<i style="font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;">Have you ever been so lonely in your life before?</i></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><i>Have you ever been hurt by someone you love?</i></span></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><i>Too heartbreaking to even shed a tear.</i></span></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><i>Too numb to even realize it is breaking your heart.</i></span></div>
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<div style="text-align: justify;">
<br />
<br />
<br />
I have not felt anything like this since I last post up my "death certificate" over a year ago. Everything that I had managed to keep aside was back again. You know what they said about not getting to run away from your problems. But it was not me who ran away. Yet, it was still half of my fault.</div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<br /></div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
Probably because I was such a coward. I could not handle another heartache. I was devastated. I hate it when people walked away from me. Walking away was a choice. It shows that I am not a good enough reason to stay. Though, it does make me wonder; Am I a good reason to stay?</div>
baxulahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14280205583489141927noreply@blogger.com0