Flip Through The Memories

Thursday, 1 November 2012


"Life is funny, isn't it? Just when you think you've got it all figured out, just when you begin to plan something, get excited and begin to feel like you know what direction you're heading in, the paths change, the wind blows the other way, North is suddenly South, and East is West, and you're... lost."

I am honestly, utterly, obviously, absolutely tired. I have no other word to describe my condition right now, except for tired. I have been sick the whole week and I could not get any work done because I basically was busy lying on bed and taking medicines and crying myself to sleep because I thought I was going to die. Everyday was a challenge to wake up from bed, to breathe, and to live like life was normal. But it was not. It was not normal. Basically it was half of my fault, but seriously, why am I to blame every time something bad happened? 

Don't tell me that I have not been trying to be happy. Just, don't. Because that was what I have been trying to do everyday of my life. To be happy. To be all bubbly like I have nothing to care of in this world. I really want that. No kidding. But that is just not going to happen. Not now. Not yet. I seriously don't know what else to do with myself. I just don't want to appear as an emotional bitch in front of everyone because no one deserves to feel my pain. That, though, does not mean that you can be a bitch and start to point your dirty fingers at me and blame me for all sorrows. I tried hard to be just like everybody else, to swallow it all even though it crashes and burns me. A little appreciation would be really lovely. But, no.

Everything is my fault. Everything. It is never not my fault. Like when something happens, and it is something bad, it is always my fault. All of the good things in life happen, but it is always the bad things that is related to me. Yeah, I am being emotional right now. Why? Because something bad happens again and it is my fault, again. Truthfully speaking, I am not involved in this matter in the first place, but that does not matter. No. Because no matter whose fault it is, it is always going to be my fault. So yeah, there you go. You are nothing but garbage to me, thanks for all of the miserable things you have put me through. May God bless your dark souls, or maybe, just burn in hell. Whichever. I care not.

Best regards.

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