'I'm afraid you're going to get sick of me,' I admit. 'That you're going to get tired of living a life that is still isn't a hundred percent accepted by society. I'm afraid that, if I let myself feel ecstatic about being with you, then when you leave me, I won't be able to pull myself back together.'- Sing You Home, Jodi Picoult.
When you spend time with people, funny how you can push aside all of the problems you're facing. But it is not a permanent remedy. It is too temporary, that when you're back alone, all of the thoughts that have been pushed aside come back crashing on you. They crash hard on you. When that happens, trust me, I can never stop wishing Doraemon really does exist so that I can always use its "magic stuffs" and escape the harsh reality once again.
For once, I just want to be a normal human being I should be nineteen years ago, but every time I try to do that, I always go back to being an awkward person I have been for nineteen years. I'm one of God's greatest creation, but what do I do to appreciate that? None, apparently. I am not comfortable with myself, let alone with people around me. I take them in, and then I show them the "exit" door. I make friends, and then I lose them. I talk, and then I hurt people. I love, and then I break my own heart with insecurity. The cycle repeats, it's getting annoying.
I miss you, mom.
I may have not been the good daughter you expected me to be, but thanks for loving me, nevertheless.
I can't wait to be home. I can't wait to be home.
I had so much to say, but now I have nothing left. Enjoy the song, it's one of my favourites.