Flip Through The Memories

Friday, 12 October 2012

Alexithymia.


Let's just put it this way: Nobody's perfect and you cannot please everybody. 

There, I give you the simplest sentence in the universe to explain the current situation. What does it take to make you fall, crumble to pieces? At one point, you just want to lie on the floor, face down and just cry until there is no more tears left to be poured out. I believe, everyone deserves to break down once in a while. Myself is an emotional person. I got hurt easily even by a simple mocking from others. I break down way too frequently and the only way to express all of these anger and emotions, is to let it all out in written words. 

I have problems when it comes to effective communication. Half of the time, people don't really understand what I am trying to convey, and on the other half, people do understand me but they just simply don't want to communicate with me at all. 

Now let me ask you...

How does it feel when you ask a question only to get laughed at and made fun of?
How does it feel to be the left out one in the group?
How does it feel when you are telling someone something and they don't listen?
How does it feel when you sit there, they treat you like a sidewalk rock? 
How does it feel to be alone in the crowd?

Yeah, I feel that all the fucking time. Did anyone else realise this? I bet no. None of them realise how much it hurts me when I am trying to say something only to get ignored, only to be made fun of, only to be more hurt than I originally am. They said, what goes around, comes around.

It is seriously depressing when people only want things to work out their ways. There are too many opinions to be considered at once, I am starting to judge my humanity right. One thing I learned from my previous situation, nothing will ever work if you don't learn how to tolerate. There is no way to please everybody at once, darling. You just have to be more tolerable. 

Everyone has their own fucking problems, but would you like it if I continuously showing you my angry face and ignore you when you are talking and make fun of you when you give out opinions? The answer is obvious and straightforward: No. Have you ever heard of the phrase, "Treat others the way you want to be treated"? This will never work if everyone tries to talk about everything at once.

Smile, bitches, smile. Everyone deserves to be angry, but no one deserves to be treated like garbage. You don't "use" people and just "throw" them away when you no longer need them. It does not feel good when people do that to you now, doesn't it? It is not funny anymore when the joke is on you, isn't it? I was and am still hurt. Life is unfair, yes? I realised that long, long time ago, it is getting ridiculous to feel bad about it anymore. 

I don't just talk to everybody. It takes a certain kind of people to make me feel belonged and comfortable enough to tell them almost everything. Sometimes, I go overboard and tell you stuffs that you don't ever want to listen to, and for that, I am honestly, utterly sorry. My laughter annoys you? I am sorry. My voice annoys you? I am sorry. I ask stupid questions, I say shits that no one bothers to listen, I laugh at random jokes, I have loud voice and extremely cheerful when I'm comfortable with a person... Everything I do annoys you, yes? I have always wondered why do I exist, and now I have to feel sorry for my existence as well because it annoys the fuck out of you. 

Silly me to have thought that I could get over my emotional phase. It seems like life has more to offer, in positive and negative ways. From now on, I am going to plaster a smile on my face (fake or not, depends on the person I am flashing it at), sit back and watch everything. 

Get over me. I am a sidewalk rock, after all.

No comments:

Post a Comment

Note: only a member of this blog may post a comment.