Flip Through The Memories

Tuesday, 24 January 2012

My reality is different than yours.

People said, "What comes a round, goes around." I believed that. I was very sure that whenever you did something bad to people, karma would fuck you up so bad you would wish you never existed. My hypothesis was proven. Can I be considered a scientist now? Hmm, I guess not. I feel guilty for this, but it feels better to see the person who used to make my life miserable is so fucked up. Oh gosh, what have I turned myself into?

A monster.

A couple of years ago I used to tell myself that once I leave school and get into college, my life would be fine. But I was wrong. To those who have all the freedom in the world and still whining about it, shut up. I'm just like a pet bird. Caught and trapped in this world as a cage, been given shelter, food and other essentials, but freedom. 

I just want to be free.

"Right now you might not feel the best you've ever felt, you might feel that things will never get better. But don't give up. Tomorrow you might see something wonderful. The thing you're worrying about may be resolved. You might have a good day tomorrow, you may smile. In a few years time the thing that are making you feel like this will be forgotten about."

My anger is what holding me back from forgiving, it's making me holding grudges against something in the past, preventing me from living myself in the present. How can I settle down for something when it isn't my planning but a plan people made for me? I'm left with no option and desperation got me, I'm now a rebellious young lady. It hurts me to see people around me getting hurt but it hurts me more when I'm the one hurting them, unintentionally. 

I'm sorry.

But you're not sorry for the tears I'd spilled, for the fake smile I'd worn, the laughter I'd forced, the misery I'd felt, the childhood I'd missed, the pain I'd bear, the loneliness I'd gone through, the choice I didn't get the chance to make, the love I'd lost and the depression I'd experienced. 

And I'm not sorry anymore.

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