It's like a habit now. I created words in my mind or jotted them down somewhere on papers, and I can't even remember what I wrote, but every time I did that, my mind seemed to be at ease, even though for a short while. Last week, I had left my laptop at home so I didn't get the chance to vent my heart out in here, but I did write it somewhere and I can't remember where I'd put it, but it didn't matter now, because I never really read back what I wrote. It's depressing to read back all those pathetic stuffs I've written in here, but I can't stop. I keep on writing them anyways.
Because I have no one to turn to whenever I'm sad. I don't know how to form the words in my mouth or say them with my tongue just like I write it out. Every time I tried to let them out of my mouth, I ended up telling people something entirely different from I've been meaning to say. I don't know whether I should call it depressing or simply my lack of confidence is killing me slowly inside? I really can't tell.
No one understands me. Oh yes, many have scolded me for saying so, but it's true, no matter what you say or do to deny it. No one understands my silence, no one understands my sorrow smile or fake laughter. They choose to believe what I choose to show and just like that I shut down all my emotions and build a thick wall around me, trying to ignore about what hurts and what not. It's like nothing matters anymore, but deep inside I know, it does.